Post by kelvin on Oct 13, 2008 9:32:16 GMT -5
www.thestar.com/FederalElection/article/516510
Keep politics off the table, experts urge
Election talk is tempting but could be destructive for some families
Oct 13, 2008 04:30 AM
Francine Kopun
Feature Writer
Franke James will talk carbon tax at the drop of a hat (or turkey drumstick), but she knows better than to talk politics at her table this Thanksgiving.
Her mother-in-law told her not to.
"I don't know if I should come over to your place because you're too green," her mother-in-law informed James and her husband Bill last week.
"She was joking, but it was a warning that we should just tread carefully – that she doesn't want us pushing our political opinion on her at dinner," said James, a Toronto artist and ardent environmentalist.
Politics might be a hard topic to steer clear of this Thanksgiving, with so much seeming to ride on the outcome of tomorrow's federal election. With the economy in turmoil, jobs and pensions are on the line. This time, it's personal.
"People can get such strong feelings about it that it can actually alienate family members," says Catherine Moffat, manager of counselling services at Family Service Toronto.
"People who have lost their job or feel like it could be pending, and certainly for people who have lost retirement savings and are close to retirement ... it's very personal."
Bill James says he can't remember the last time he was so invested in the outcome of an election.
"It seems to me people really are getting emotional about this," he said. "People are more frightened about the future than they were four weeks ago."
At such a volatile time, the simplest solution, say etiquette experts, is to steer clear of politics at the supper table.
Don't think it's necessary to share your opinions, says Louise Fox, owner of The Etiquette Ladies. Don't offer advice unless someone specifically asks. Ignore the braggart, the adviser, the one-upper, the drone who can't tell a story in less than 10,000 words.
"Remember the purpose. It's a time to celebrate," says Fox.
Sometimes family relationships begin fraying in the planning stages of an event. Michael Olivotto, 23, remembers a wedding in his family that ended badly when seven siblings all tried to take charge.
"Nervous breakdowns happened and certain sides of the family haven't talked much since," says Olivotto, who gets along famously with his two older twin sisters and his parents.
Planning ahead can help keep everything friendly, says Fox. Gently coach the kids on how to behave. Bring games for them and their favourite foods, if they're picky eaters. If you're travelling to another city, consider renting a hotel room, to relax with your own little brood after taking part in activities with your extended family.
Keep your expectations reasonable, remember that the event is about creating an experience not winning an argument, and remember also that how you react is always a matter of choice, says Karen Mallett, president of training company Civility Works.
Keep politics off the table, experts urge
Election talk is tempting but could be destructive for some families
Oct 13, 2008 04:30 AM
Francine Kopun
Feature Writer
Franke James will talk carbon tax at the drop of a hat (or turkey drumstick), but she knows better than to talk politics at her table this Thanksgiving.
Her mother-in-law told her not to.
"I don't know if I should come over to your place because you're too green," her mother-in-law informed James and her husband Bill last week.
"She was joking, but it was a warning that we should just tread carefully – that she doesn't want us pushing our political opinion on her at dinner," said James, a Toronto artist and ardent environmentalist.
Politics might be a hard topic to steer clear of this Thanksgiving, with so much seeming to ride on the outcome of tomorrow's federal election. With the economy in turmoil, jobs and pensions are on the line. This time, it's personal.
"People can get such strong feelings about it that it can actually alienate family members," says Catherine Moffat, manager of counselling services at Family Service Toronto.
"People who have lost their job or feel like it could be pending, and certainly for people who have lost retirement savings and are close to retirement ... it's very personal."
Bill James says he can't remember the last time he was so invested in the outcome of an election.
"It seems to me people really are getting emotional about this," he said. "People are more frightened about the future than they were four weeks ago."
At such a volatile time, the simplest solution, say etiquette experts, is to steer clear of politics at the supper table.
Don't think it's necessary to share your opinions, says Louise Fox, owner of The Etiquette Ladies. Don't offer advice unless someone specifically asks. Ignore the braggart, the adviser, the one-upper, the drone who can't tell a story in less than 10,000 words.
"Remember the purpose. It's a time to celebrate," says Fox.
Sometimes family relationships begin fraying in the planning stages of an event. Michael Olivotto, 23, remembers a wedding in his family that ended badly when seven siblings all tried to take charge.
"Nervous breakdowns happened and certain sides of the family haven't talked much since," says Olivotto, who gets along famously with his two older twin sisters and his parents.
Planning ahead can help keep everything friendly, says Fox. Gently coach the kids on how to behave. Bring games for them and their favourite foods, if they're picky eaters. If you're travelling to another city, consider renting a hotel room, to relax with your own little brood after taking part in activities with your extended family.
Keep your expectations reasonable, remember that the event is about creating an experience not winning an argument, and remember also that how you react is always a matter of choice, says Karen Mallett, president of training company Civility Works.