Post by kelvin on Dec 20, 2006 16:24:30 GMT -5
URL: biz.yahoo.com/brn/061215/20353.html?.v=1
Bankrate.com
Holiday tipping etiquette
Friday December 15, 6:00 am ET
Sheyna Steiner
Ah the holidays. The time of year when smiles are brighter, laughter is cheerier and money is spent with a frivolity that powers the economy for the rest of the year. Traditionally, the largesse of the season benefits everyone neglected throughout the year: Charities take in more donations; Santa gets his cookies; and forgotten family members receive strangely-shaped baubles and off-brand bath supplies. And, not to forget the people who toil in relative thankless anonymity to make everyone else's lives run a little bit more efficiently, this is traditionally their time of year to be thanked for their efforts in the form of tips.
Like saying "please" and "thank you," tipping at the holidays is a gracious way of showing appreciation and respect to the people who provide service all year.
"Giving is part of the spirit of the season, the sharing of the cheer. You tip during the holidays because during a festive time you want to acknowledge those with whom you have a debt of gratitude or you wish to follow a holiday tradition," says P.M. Forni, Ph.D., professor and co-founder of the Johns Hopkins Civility Project and author of "Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct"
Who to tip and how much
According to Forni, there are three rules to consider when deciding who to tip.
Who to tip and how much:
1. Tip one who performs a very essential, personal service and makes something very convenient for you.
2. Tip someone who goes the extra mile in performing a superior service.
3. Tip when there is a tradition in place or an established norm, such as tipping the doorman during the holidays if that's the building's custom.
When a service provider meets one of the criteria, a tip is appropriate. If they meet two or more of the criteria, tip a little bit extra.
Determining the amount to tip is left entirely to the discretion of the tipper. "I don't think there should be a standard percentage," says Forni. The tips should be based on the service and its worth to you, not on an arbitrary rule dictating that dog walkers should get 10 percent of their weekly salary or that the pool guy must get a holiday tip of three percent of his annual bill.
Most etiquette experts seem to agree that for holiday tipping, the rules aren't set in stone. Generally, the more you see someone and the more they do for you, the more you would tip them. For instance, "if you have a paper deliverer that comes seven days a week, you would give a certain amount, if he comes only on Sundays you would give him much less," says Leticia Baldrige, former chief of staff for Jacqueline Kennedy and prolific author on manners.
"Every year it's a bugaboo. The main thing about it is that it's different for every person in every case. You can't say how much someone should give their concierge or landlord or superintendent, because it depends on the size of the building or how much he does," she says.
If your relationship is more personal, such as with a hairdresser or a child care provider, it's definitely appropriate to supplement a tip with a small gift. "If you have a tremendous relationship with your hairdresser you would give that person a financial gift but also a personal gift," says Baldrige. "If you have a manicurist who does your nails every week, you could give that person $20 but you also give them a scarf or a pair of sparkly earrings if you know that she likes that kind of thing."
Tip with grace and style
The newbie mistake with gratuities is to awkwardly jam some cash at someone and mumble thanks and Merry Christmas, Kwanza, Hanukkah, holidays, winter solstice or whatever appellation you think the occasion merits. But, it doesn't have to be an awkward or stressful situation.
"Put the tip inside of a greeting card, don't just hand it over, one hand over another, as raw bills, that's crass," says Baldrige. "Have it hidden inside a holiday greeting card. Make it even more special by writing something on the card; don't just get one of those printed, awful cards that say holiday greetings with a picture on the outside with a vast, snowy yard or something. Put something personal, say 'thank you for taking such good care of us this year. I wish you and your family all the best for the coming year.' The handwritten note that says 'thank you,' that's what matters to the person who receives it," she says.
Find out ahead of time what the general custom for holiday tipping in the establishment is. Most times a discreet query to the manager will yield some clues as to how to go about expressing your thanks. "Ask what the usual practice is. Ask quietly out of earshot of other people. It takes a lot of pressure off," says Baldrige.
Don't think being poor is an excuse to avoid the yearly exercise in gracious manners. "If you're having a bad year, and I've had plenty of those, you give them a greeting card and a small amount of money and you say this has been a tough year for us, please forgive us next year we'll be better. It's better to own up. You still want to give a little something and certainly write down your appreciation for their loyalty during the past year," Baldrige says.
The handwritten note does matter, especially when it conveys a sense of genuine appreciation and thanks. "If someone is of very limited means, that someone can send a small amount of money with a card saying...'The service you have provided is much more valuable than this token of acknowledgement but I hope that you will accept it knowing that I am extremely grateful for what you have done for me,'" says Forni.
Abstaining
Sometimes people don't tip at all during the holidays. They feel that one doesn't need to be paid extra for a job for which they're already collecting money -- a sentiment that may have spawned from overzealous workers who expect -- and actively solicit -- tips.
On the other end is the expectation of holiday tips. The fact of the matter is that doormen, dog walkers and trash collectors aren't generally pulling down a CEO's salary and anticipation of the extra income is built into their yearly earnings prospects. There is a fine line behind the spirit of giving during the holiday season and the reality.
"It becomes really a sort of coercion that enters the picture; it's almost a ransom that you have to pay. Many people will yield because they don't want to disappoint the people that expect that tipping is part of their salary, but they should be aware of the fact that they are being bullied. It's a subtle or not so subtle form of bullyism," says Forni.
But, in a somewhat secular and detached society, there's nothing wrong with being a little magnanimous once a year.
How about you?:
Who will you tip this year and how much?
Send us an email and we'll publish the results in December.
Bankrate.com
Holiday tipping etiquette
Friday December 15, 6:00 am ET
Sheyna Steiner
Ah the holidays. The time of year when smiles are brighter, laughter is cheerier and money is spent with a frivolity that powers the economy for the rest of the year. Traditionally, the largesse of the season benefits everyone neglected throughout the year: Charities take in more donations; Santa gets his cookies; and forgotten family members receive strangely-shaped baubles and off-brand bath supplies. And, not to forget the people who toil in relative thankless anonymity to make everyone else's lives run a little bit more efficiently, this is traditionally their time of year to be thanked for their efforts in the form of tips.
Like saying "please" and "thank you," tipping at the holidays is a gracious way of showing appreciation and respect to the people who provide service all year.
"Giving is part of the spirit of the season, the sharing of the cheer. You tip during the holidays because during a festive time you want to acknowledge those with whom you have a debt of gratitude or you wish to follow a holiday tradition," says P.M. Forni, Ph.D., professor and co-founder of the Johns Hopkins Civility Project and author of "Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct"
Who to tip and how much
According to Forni, there are three rules to consider when deciding who to tip.
Who to tip and how much:
1. Tip one who performs a very essential, personal service and makes something very convenient for you.
2. Tip someone who goes the extra mile in performing a superior service.
3. Tip when there is a tradition in place or an established norm, such as tipping the doorman during the holidays if that's the building's custom.
When a service provider meets one of the criteria, a tip is appropriate. If they meet two or more of the criteria, tip a little bit extra.
Determining the amount to tip is left entirely to the discretion of the tipper. "I don't think there should be a standard percentage," says Forni. The tips should be based on the service and its worth to you, not on an arbitrary rule dictating that dog walkers should get 10 percent of their weekly salary or that the pool guy must get a holiday tip of three percent of his annual bill.
Most etiquette experts seem to agree that for holiday tipping, the rules aren't set in stone. Generally, the more you see someone and the more they do for you, the more you would tip them. For instance, "if you have a paper deliverer that comes seven days a week, you would give a certain amount, if he comes only on Sundays you would give him much less," says Leticia Baldrige, former chief of staff for Jacqueline Kennedy and prolific author on manners.
"Every year it's a bugaboo. The main thing about it is that it's different for every person in every case. You can't say how much someone should give their concierge or landlord or superintendent, because it depends on the size of the building or how much he does," she says.
If your relationship is more personal, such as with a hairdresser or a child care provider, it's definitely appropriate to supplement a tip with a small gift. "If you have a tremendous relationship with your hairdresser you would give that person a financial gift but also a personal gift," says Baldrige. "If you have a manicurist who does your nails every week, you could give that person $20 but you also give them a scarf or a pair of sparkly earrings if you know that she likes that kind of thing."
Tip with grace and style
The newbie mistake with gratuities is to awkwardly jam some cash at someone and mumble thanks and Merry Christmas, Kwanza, Hanukkah, holidays, winter solstice or whatever appellation you think the occasion merits. But, it doesn't have to be an awkward or stressful situation.
"Put the tip inside of a greeting card, don't just hand it over, one hand over another, as raw bills, that's crass," says Baldrige. "Have it hidden inside a holiday greeting card. Make it even more special by writing something on the card; don't just get one of those printed, awful cards that say holiday greetings with a picture on the outside with a vast, snowy yard or something. Put something personal, say 'thank you for taking such good care of us this year. I wish you and your family all the best for the coming year.' The handwritten note that says 'thank you,' that's what matters to the person who receives it," she says.
Find out ahead of time what the general custom for holiday tipping in the establishment is. Most times a discreet query to the manager will yield some clues as to how to go about expressing your thanks. "Ask what the usual practice is. Ask quietly out of earshot of other people. It takes a lot of pressure off," says Baldrige.
Don't think being poor is an excuse to avoid the yearly exercise in gracious manners. "If you're having a bad year, and I've had plenty of those, you give them a greeting card and a small amount of money and you say this has been a tough year for us, please forgive us next year we'll be better. It's better to own up. You still want to give a little something and certainly write down your appreciation for their loyalty during the past year," Baldrige says.
The handwritten note does matter, especially when it conveys a sense of genuine appreciation and thanks. "If someone is of very limited means, that someone can send a small amount of money with a card saying...'The service you have provided is much more valuable than this token of acknowledgement but I hope that you will accept it knowing that I am extremely grateful for what you have done for me,'" says Forni.
Abstaining
Sometimes people don't tip at all during the holidays. They feel that one doesn't need to be paid extra for a job for which they're already collecting money -- a sentiment that may have spawned from overzealous workers who expect -- and actively solicit -- tips.
On the other end is the expectation of holiday tips. The fact of the matter is that doormen, dog walkers and trash collectors aren't generally pulling down a CEO's salary and anticipation of the extra income is built into their yearly earnings prospects. There is a fine line behind the spirit of giving during the holiday season and the reality.
"It becomes really a sort of coercion that enters the picture; it's almost a ransom that you have to pay. Many people will yield because they don't want to disappoint the people that expect that tipping is part of their salary, but they should be aware of the fact that they are being bullied. It's a subtle or not so subtle form of bullyism," says Forni.
But, in a somewhat secular and detached society, there's nothing wrong with being a little magnanimous once a year.
How about you?:
Who will you tip this year and how much?
Send us an email and we'll publish the results in December.